Kentucky Efficiency

It's now time to spread the net to the entire state of Kentucky. The shocking thing is that there haven't been more Kentucky posts given the current governor and attorney general. Today we delve into the world of health insurance.
Kentucky state and state affiliated employees have the option to sign up for "livingwell" insurance. This allows you to save a bit over $1000 a year in premiums. In order to receive this benefit, you need to fill out a questionnaire about your health. That's it. No doctor visit. No actual checking on your health. Just answer a few questions once a year and you are good to go. Of course, this is administered by Humana, that quintessential  Kentucky company. Of course, as an insurance company, they are very concerned about security. Also, you need to complete the questionnaire by July 1st, of you get to pay an extra money next year.
I recently went to fill out my questionnaire and found I was locked out. Of course no one told me I was locked out. There were no warnings. I was simply put into an endless loop. I then had to go through the long and annoying call center process to get my password reset where I was told that since I hadn't been on the site for about a year (Duh, I only go there to fill out my annual health assessment, like almost everyone else), that I'd been locked out for my own protection. No real problem for me. The call center was so inept that I was laughing for most of the call. But what about everyone else? What about all those people who wait until the last 48 hours to fill out their assessment, only to find they are locked out and need a call center to give them access? I'd hate to work in that call center in a couple of weeks.
The question is, is this an attempt to force people to pay more, or just total stupidity on the part of Humana's administration. Since Kentucky is know for both corruption and stupid, we will never know.

Buford T. Justice Lives

It is time once more to poke fun at the government of Clinton County Kentucky. As the title implies, I am casting aspersions on the local law enforcement community. The community that had me fill out a complaint on a post it note. But that was two sheriffs ago, and believe it or not, it has been downhill ever since.
This time I tried to report a theft, but it didn't go well.
Going to check on the house, the door was open. Of course the sheriff was called. It took 3 hours to respond. That would be understandable if I lived in Alaska or Montana, but 10 minutes from the courthouse? They said he was busy leading funeral processions. I thought a theft and a possibility of the intruder still on the premises would have been more important. I guess I was wrong. Three hours wrong seems a bit excessive though. And Europeans wonder why the people in Middle America will never agree to limits on firearms. Would you, if you had such stellar enforcers of the law to protect you?
Anyway, no thieves were there, but a gun safe had been professionally drilled into and opened and everything of value had been taken. A bit of a backstory, never use US Bank. Once they find that you aren't living there, they get worried about protecting their investment, and their property protection teams are less then professional and don't hesitate to seize the property with no notice. If you want the situation resolved, then you get to try to get two call centers to talk to each other. It's great fun. Anyway, at the time of this incident three people had keys to the property; myself, my realtor, and the bank's property protection contractor.
The door was opened with a key. There was no breaking and entering. The safe was professionally drilled into and everything of value was taken.  The sheriff replied that it was the work of squatters. Apparently, there are a lot of empty houses in Clinton county (I wonder why), and the sheriff can't spare the manpower (be bothered to) remove them or check on the houses. The fact that the door was opened with a key didn't seem to register. Neither did the fact that the beds weren't slept in and there was no trash in the house. Just an entry with a key and a professional clean out job. It was squatters. Of course, no fingerprints were taken. It was claimed that the county couldn't afford a fingerprint kit. Of course, the sheriff wouldn't call on the sate police to take fingerprints either, even though he retired from that force (makes you wonder about them to). The annoying part is that everyone who had key, has fingerprints on file, being bonded in some service or another. The door was opened with a key. It seems like a slam dunk. But I guess such things aren't important to law enforcement in Clinton County Kentucky.
Of course, although one shouldn't judge by appearances, I think the sheriff's photo says it all.

Just remember, this is the photo he provided the local newspaper when they did his welcome aboard article. 

If you want to buy a 19th Century farmhouse in rural Kentucky, just let me know. I can get you a good deal on it.

Reproduction Without Sex

In the last post, I complained about Ohio. It's time to move back to Kentucky.
The question is, how do you father a child without having sex. If you're a hillbilly it's easy. You start by going on a double date with your buddy and realizing that you're the only one who brought a condom. The hillbilly solution? No problem. Take turns. Since it's your condom, you get to use it first. Then turn it inside out, give it a quick wipe down and hand it to your buddy. What could go wrong?
Florida man has nothing on Kentucky.
The question is who's more pissed. The guy paying child support when he never had sex with the girl, or the guy whose best friend knocked up his girlfriend? 

Ohio People

It is well known that Kentuckians hate Ohio people on principle. There is even a radio talk show host that has mentioned blowing up the bridges over the Ohio river to keep them out. Said host is from one of the major cities, so his main complaint is that they drive 20 miles an hour under the traffic flow in the left hand lane. If he lived in the hills, in the place called lake country, he'd hate them for other reasons.
I was asked the other day, why I had such an attitude toward Ohio people. For some reason, people whose lives don't intersect with them don't have a knee jerk reaction of revulsion, so I will explain why Kentucky would be much better off if the border were sealed.
A few posts back I posted on the Beavis and Butthead mobile home transport company closing the main road for a half hour. The point to remember is that as the local communities have grown, people have moved out to places along roads like this to avoid the city lifestyle. Of course, there is no money to improve the roads, so the locals have to deal with a 25 minute drive on a narrow winding road with no place to pass in order to get to work, but they accept this for a more peaceful lifestyle. Then the Ohio people arrive. They come in two categories. The first is amazed at the farms along the road, so they drive at 30mph in a 55mph zone and occasionally come to a near stop to discuss the cows they are seeing. News flash, this isn't a safari drive set up for your benefit. People here actually have to get places, you self-centered twits. The second category drives the speed limit, but you wish they wouldn't, because they're towing a cabin cruiser behind them. It's a rare street sign that hasn't been battered by a boat during the summer, or a local who hasn't been forced off the road. Now, not all Ohio people drive like this, but when you meet a couple a day in one of the above categories, you tend to judge them all and not make distinctions.
They are noisy. Ohio people like to yell a lot. Once they move into their summer homes, they talk to each other. The problem is they talk to each other from across the neighborhood. It's annoying. They also do the same in the local Wal Mart. They'll hold conversations with each other from across the store by yelling at the top of their lungs. They honestly don't see a problem in doing so. Did I use the words self-centered twits yet? If their voices aren't enough, you haven't learned annoyance until you've had one of the Ohio families try and fix their boat next door to you. This usually consists of a week of revving up the engine for 8 hours a day. When this fails to achieve the desired results, they have a boat party with the speakers and the loud music right in their yard. They claim it's because they are in the country, but they are idiots. They do these things in subdivisions were the average lot size is half an acre.
Then, since they are in the country, they need to travel in a country fashion. Did I mention subdivisions with half acre lot sizes yet? So, they get four wheelers to travel on. It's like a geriatric version of the Wild Ones.
Of course, you can't forget the dogs. Since they're going to the country, they must bring their dogs and dogs in the country must run free. Let me mention the half acre lot size subdivision again. Of course, their method of controlling said dogs is to stand in their yard and yell at them. Get off your lazy backsides and go get your animal. I suppose I am lucky. Even though I am in a subdivision, there are farms across the street and farmers who have to worry about their livestock.
And finally, once the summer ends comes hunting season. Wild protein now being the latest craze among the hipsters. Living in Kentucky, hunting is normal. During hunting season, you'll hear an occasional gun shot, sometimes a follow up. It's the country. Then the Ohio people get into the act. Now at sunrise, you get the "mad minute". Seriously, 3 or 4 different semi auto weapons each firing 4 or 5 rounds. The deer doesn't stand a chance. This is repeated a half dozen times each morning. Normally, hunting over bait is illegal, but the Ohio people all hunt on rented land, so who's to know. Besides, the Ohio people know Kentucky exists to serve their desires.
When I moved to my current home 2 years ago, I usually saw a half dozen deer and the same number of turkey a day. The Ohio people started harvesting the wildlife last year. This year I have seen 4 deer and 2 turkey, all year. Thanks Ohio.
I think the above are ample reasons to be prejudiced toward Ohio.

The Clinton Death Count

Most conspiracy theorists know about the Clinton Death Count. Basically, it refers to the number of mysterious, yet useful deaths that have occurred around the Clintons. There have been quire a few deaths that were convenient to the Clintons. The number is in the triple digits. Does this mean there is nefarious activity afoot? Of course not. It's just curious.
So why bring this up? Because the same happens in the hills of Appalachia on a regular basis. When someone gets in the way of one of the first families here, death is not an uncommon outcome. The main causes are heart attack and car accident, and neither of those is particularly uncommon around here, so maybe it's all just a coincidence. It's still amazing that when one of the first families is ready to move into a position, a way is usually opened for them. Of course, they may just have picked a likely target and waited, like an evil insurance company. I've heard locals speculate that they had a demon working for them. Whatever the reason, it is curious.
My personal belief is that the shunning has a lot to do with it. If you want to know what shunning is go out one day and have normal relationships with everyone around you, and then go out the next and have trouble buying groceries. Then realize that everyone, friends, co-workers, and the people in the grocery store are all acting the same. Then realize they will keep it up for years if need be. Then realize that it's nothing you've done. Someone, somewhere told them to act that way, so they did. And since there's nothing you have done to create the situation, there's nothing you can do to fix it. If you're predisposed to heart problems or bad driving in the first place, the odds are the situation will reach critical levels under this treatment. 

A Tangled Web

I've written a lot in this blog about selective justice in the hills of Appalachia. It shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone. After all, everyone is familiar with Smokey and the Bandit, Billy Jack, and The Dukes of Hazard. Everyone knows how these small towns and counties get, and it comes as no surprise that Person A can be caught doing 90mph in a school zone and get a talking to while Person B get caught doing 30mph in a 25mph zone and gets hit with a $150 fine. Just par for the course in Appalachia. Everyone gets it. The worrisome part is that there are levels above the corrupt county level. The "first family" concept gets spread across entire regions. The even more worrisome part is that at the county level, you can tell who the "first families" are. At the regional level, there is a lot of guesswork involved. I guess because cockroaches hate the light or something.

This brings me to today's story. You see in the image, the Clinton Center of Somerset Community College. It was built in 2004 to help stimulate economic growth in the area. It's an impressive building for the area. It had up to date classrooms, state of the art nursing labs, a training center for day care workers, a cosmetology lab, and shops for vocational careers. In short, it has everything that a community college needs to help improve the educational and economic level of a depressed area. Naturally, it couldn't be allowed to survive.

The web starts with the construction of the center itself. The money for the center was obtained through the hard work of then state senator David Williams. Of course, he insisted that the center be placed in his own district. This did not go over well with Somerset Community College. They has a center already operating out of an abandoned elementary school 30 minutes north. It was centrally located, and Somerset wanted the center to be put there, but David Williams was adamant, his county or nothing. Somerset agreed. At first glance, nothing to see here. Just a politician getting pork for his district.

The next thread of the web occurs a couple of years after the center started operation. At first, there were a lot of non-locals there. You see, no locals were qualified to run the place, so foreigners were brought in (foreigner in a hill context means someone from outside the county). Never the less, the center thrived and all was well in the world, well, with the exception of the vocational programs. For some reason, the local Board of Education wanted a monopoly on that, so no tech programs for Clinton Center. Then the "first families" obtained the required degrees to reach critical mass at the college, arrived on the scene, moved into management positions (often over others), and things changed rapidly. They might have had the power to kill vocational programs before, but their power was limited. Now things were different. Through an interesting refusal to provide support for the center, moving the scheduling to two days a week, and farming out classes to local high school teachers, the administration of Somerset Community College managed to destroy the center, which they promptly sold to the local Board of Education.

Now there might be nothing to see here. It might just be a tale of pork and bad administration. But consider: First we have an time of unprecedented educational growth, which starts the first families getting the degrees needed to move in and take over. Then we have a state senator putting a state of the art facility, which his county wants, in his district, even if they don't have control of it yet. Thirdly, we have the "first families" moving into positions of control at an amazing rate and then handing the senator's county exactly what they wanted all along. It may be coincidence, but too many coincidences at once all moving in one direction tends to indicate a Quid Pro Quo, especially since all the actors who have created the situation are from the power broker families.

Summer at the Lakes

Summer has arrived in Kentucky. The time when everyone wants to head to the lakes in order to enjoy the great outdoors. The above doesn't look to great to me. It looks like a typical overcrowded beach area. Why exchange a small house in the suburb to a houseboat in a marina where your neighbors are even closer, noisier, and more drunk? Who can tell. Tourists are a blight wherever they go. 

Anyway, that is not the point of this post. The point is that many people live in and move to Kentucky to enjoy the rural lifestyle which includes fishing and time at the lakes. That's why the tourists come here on a temporary basis after all. Now, while you are thinking that there should be room for everyone, bear one thing in mind. KENTUCKY HAS NO WASTE TANK LAWS. Yes, that needed to be in bold. All those houseboats that you see, mostly filled with tourists, because Kentucky is one of the poorest states and the locals can't afford such toys, will soon empty its septic system straight into the river. Makes you want to go fishing and swimming, doesn't it. And the locals need to let themselves get crapped on by tourists because it benefits the local nobility. That should be Kentucky's new motto:

VISIT KENTUCKY AND CRAP ON THE LOCALS. NO ONE CARES.