Country Living

 

Yes, the wondrous sights that await your inspection when you wake up in the morning in rural Kentucky. Apparently someone in the neighborhood had some nocturnal fun involving my van window and a rock. Such is Appalachia.

 

 

 

 

I did get to witness some amusing activity on the part of my neighbor though. Some back story is required to fully understand the humor of the situation. This particular neighbor doesn't live in his trailer during the summer, he lives a mile down the street. He just shows up once a week to mow the lawn. When the weather turns cool, he starts to show up for a couple of times a day, for about an hour at a time. Weird, but so what? When the temperature drops below about 50, he starts his wood stove and shows up to keep the wood stove fueled. He usually moves back in 2 or 3 nights a week at this point. When the temperature goes above 50, he disappears and goes back to visiting a couple of times a day. When the weather gets hot, he disappears completely. I could understand keeping a fire lit to keep the pipes from freezing, but keeping one lit to keep an abandoned trailer over 50 is odd. But it wouldn't be Appalachia without the odd. The amusing part happened the day the van window was broken. I called the sheriff, who showed up promptly, along with my neighbor. Coincidence, or was someone listening to their scanner? They both showed up within 10 minutes of me calling the sheriff. My neighbor stayed in his house until the sheriff left, then proceeded to load a half dozen boxes into his car and drive off.  Which left me wondering, was this all just a coincidence, or did hearing a call for the sheriff near his house spook him into moving some illegal laboratory items. Inquiring minds want to know.

 

 

That's the worst part about this place. You're never quite sure whether what you are seeing is an indicator of a felony in progress or just stupid on parade. It's very confusing.

Kentucky Sucks?

Kentucky is a diverse state. There are places in Kentucky that are great places to live, friendly people, low cost of living, law enforcement that actually works, and schools that are among the best in the nation. Kentucky manages to accomplish this by allowing a large level of local control. If you ask a Kentuckian where they are from, odds are, they will name the county and not the city. The dark side of this is, that when things go bad, they go Boss Hog, Billy Jack bad very fast, and there is no recourse for the average citizen.

How can you tell the difference at first glance? Look for out of state companies that have invested in factories in the area. You can be pretty sure that they've analyzed the area. If there's a plant within an hour of your location, you might be in a good area. Next, go to the plant. If you see a lot of immigrant workers, run, don't walk away. It means the locals are too busy with their meth labs to want to work. It means the local government enticed the company there with some sort of incentive that outweighed the poor work force. If you see all locals working there, you might have found a good area. Next apply the cop test. Walk up to an officer of the law and say, "good morning" or "good evening" or whatever is appropriate. If they respond in kind, you've probably found a good area to live. Kentucky has places that are as close to a middle class paradise as anyone could reasonably want. It also has places that look like they filmed Deliverance there. Caveat Emptor.

Worst Places to Live

According to the New York Times, this county ranks number 3092 out of the 3135 counties in the United States. That ranks this county in the bottom 1% of all counties in the United States. Why am I not surprised.

House Guest

Fall is arriving in Kentucky, and with it, house guests. When you live in a 125 year old farmhouse, that's just part of the charm. It's not really a problem, just an expected part of life. When the weather gets colder, you put out the mouse traps, and realize that while the weather is changing, some of them are going to get through into the house. It usually sorts itself out in the week or so it takes the mice who have decided to move into the house to die.

This week I got more than I bargained for in the form of a 6 foot black rat snake who thought my kitchen would make a nice winter's den. I was innocently making a cup of coffee, when I heard a scratching sound, and there he was making his getaway out an old mouse hole. I guess I should be grateful. The mouse hole was in an overhang of the cabinets. I'd have never stumbled across it if I hadn't seen him use it, since it wasn't visible from eye level. So he pointed out a mouse hole for me to plug. I guess he's going to be living under my house this winter. The logical part of me is glad he's there. A black rat snake in a crawlspace is a good thing, but nearly tripping over him while going for a cup of coffee is a bit unnerving. Of course, there's also the thought of, "where will I trip over him next?"

Animals

I came across an article the other day talking about proud independent Appalachian people and why they disliked the government, felt little respect for the law, and how this was a sign of their independent spirit.

Allow me to clarify. When you grow pot in your backyard, when you use your old cattle barn to make moonshine for your family and friends, when you marry your cousin, when you handle snakes in church, when you teach your kids the earth is 6000 years old, that's none of my business. Feel free to be independent all you want.

When you set up a meth lab next door, when you chop the pipes on your four wheeler and race up and down the street all night, when you have speakers that shake the walls of my house every time you drive by, when your idea of target practice is to throw a milk jug out in the yard and stand on the porch and blast away at it, even though there are houses within 100 feet, then you're not exercising independence, you're an animal who needs to be locked in a cage. End discussion.

Above Your Raisin'

Appalachia is a strange place. There are a lot of people here who fly UK flags and wear Wildcat shirts, but won't let their daughters attend school there. Can't have them gettin bove thar raisin. If I were in UK administration, I'd really be embarrassed about a large proportion of Wildcat fans.

Moving Traffic Signs

Did you know that it's legal to rearrange traffic signs in Kentucky? Well apparently it is if you're Stony Point Baptist Church in Albany, Kentucky.

You can just make out the T intersection about 15 yards down the road. The sign used to be at the intersection, but when the church paved their parking lot, they moved the sign to the edge of their new parking lot. I guess it's a lot more convenient for the for the parishioners. They get to leave church unimpeded, something all good Baptists seem to be in a hurry to do, and they don't have to worry about oncoming traffic. It kind of messes things up for everyone else though. You'd think someone would fine them, or at least make them move the sign, but Appalachia is a theocracy in many respects. No one would think of questioning a church here. Hell awaits those who do.
Even this would be livable if anyone here knew how to drive. I always thought it was common knowledge that at a T intersection with no signs, the person entering had to yield. Everyone here that I've asked has told me that the person who gets there first has right of way. So if the person driving down this road sees oncoming traffic, they floor it, so that they can be in the right. I'm surprised that no one has been killed. I'm annoyed with the church for thinking they can do whatever they want. I'm appalled at the authorities for not doing anything because it's all about politics.