Open Car Hoods

My neighbors have a strange habit. They leave their car hoods open all day long. If they're at home they go out and open them. If they're out and about, they'll open them as soon as they get to their house. If they were working on them, I could understand. If they were showing them off to people, I could understand, but they aren't. They just leave them open. They don't do this everyday, just on certain days, and when one does it, they all do it. Have I stumbled onto to some new covert communication system, like shoes on electric wires? Perhaps they don't want certain vapors building up under the hood?

Of course, it may just be redneck stupidity and they're opening them because sometime, somewhere, someone told them that on certain days it should be done. My votes still on the communication system.

Intense Selfishness of the Hillbilly Class

Self involved people can really complicate life for those around them. My neighbor was mowing the lawn today. Of course, he made sure that he put the majority of the leaves in the road.

You have to admit, he did a really thorough job of covering the road.

Dangerous for those who are going to drive down the road tonight, especially since it's going to be raining. At least the neighbor won't have to worry about leaves in his yard and that's all he really cares about. Since it's rural Kentucky, there aren't any laws against it, at least any that will be enforced. It's part of the charm of country living.

Redneck

A redneck is someone who can't talk enough about their independence, while holding out their hand for a government check.

No Education Required

Talking with a former school employee the other day, I finally figured out why my neighborhood is overrun with school age kids who never go to school. It always confused me, because if you're working class, the school board will send the court after you for truancy without blinking. I couldn't figure out how all my neighbors were getting away with it. Apparently, if your child is headed towards truancy court, and it doesn't look like you can be bullied, your child goes on homeschool, and no one follows up to ensure standards are being met. Problem solved.

You can't really blame the school district (as much as I would like to). The state is keeping track of the numbers. This means that the county that cheats the most, looks the best. You're going to get shut down if you try to address the problem in an effective fashion. This seems to happen every time bureaucrats try to make things run more efficiently.

It does keep problem kids out of the schools. But, the kids who fall into this category are usually the ones who've never seen anything but a government check lifestyle. Their parents and relatives generally don't work and usually have the combined IQ of tree sap. To place these children on homeschool means that they have absolutely no chance of breaking the cycle of government dependence or of amounting to anything. At least the numbers look good and the kids aren't getting above their raising.

Country Living

 

Yes, the wondrous sights that await your inspection when you wake up in the morning in rural Kentucky. Apparently someone in the neighborhood had some nocturnal fun involving my van window and a rock. Such is Appalachia.

 

 

 

 

I did get to witness some amusing activity on the part of my neighbor though. Some back story is required to fully understand the humor of the situation. This particular neighbor doesn't live in his trailer during the summer, he lives a mile down the street. He just shows up once a week to mow the lawn. When the weather turns cool, he starts to show up for a couple of times a day, for about an hour at a time. Weird, but so what? When the temperature drops below about 50, he starts his wood stove and shows up to keep the wood stove fueled. He usually moves back in 2 or 3 nights a week at this point. When the temperature goes above 50, he disappears and goes back to visiting a couple of times a day. When the weather gets hot, he disappears completely. I could understand keeping a fire lit to keep the pipes from freezing, but keeping one lit to keep an abandoned trailer over 50 is odd. But it wouldn't be Appalachia without the odd. The amusing part happened the day the van window was broken. I called the sheriff, who showed up promptly, along with my neighbor. Coincidence, or was someone listening to their scanner? They both showed up within 10 minutes of me calling the sheriff. My neighbor stayed in his house until the sheriff left, then proceeded to load a half dozen boxes into his car and drive off.  Which left me wondering, was this all just a coincidence, or did hearing a call for the sheriff near his house spook him into moving some illegal laboratory items. Inquiring minds want to know.

 

 

That's the worst part about this place. You're never quite sure whether what you are seeing is an indicator of a felony in progress or just stupid on parade. It's very confusing.

Kentucky Sucks?

Kentucky is a diverse state. There are places in Kentucky that are great places to live, friendly people, low cost of living, law enforcement that actually works, and schools that are among the best in the nation. Kentucky manages to accomplish this by allowing a large level of local control. If you ask a Kentuckian where they are from, odds are, they will name the county and not the city. The dark side of this is, that when things go bad, they go Boss Hog, Billy Jack bad very fast, and there is no recourse for the average citizen.

How can you tell the difference at first glance? Look for out of state companies that have invested in factories in the area. You can be pretty sure that they've analyzed the area. If there's a plant within an hour of your location, you might be in a good area. Next, go to the plant. If you see a lot of immigrant workers, run, don't walk away. It means the locals are too busy with their meth labs to want to work. It means the local government enticed the company there with some sort of incentive that outweighed the poor work force. If you see all locals working there, you might have found a good area. Next apply the cop test. Walk up to an officer of the law and say, "good morning" or "good evening" or whatever is appropriate. If they respond in kind, you've probably found a good area to live. Kentucky has places that are as close to a middle class paradise as anyone could reasonably want. It also has places that look like they filmed Deliverance there. Caveat Emptor.

Worst Places to Live

According to the New York Times, this county ranks number 3092 out of the 3135 counties in the United States. That ranks this county in the bottom 1% of all counties in the United States. Why am I not surprised.

House Guest

Fall is arriving in Kentucky, and with it, house guests. When you live in a 125 year old farmhouse, that's just part of the charm. It's not really a problem, just an expected part of life. When the weather gets colder, you put out the mouse traps, and realize that while the weather is changing, some of them are going to get through into the house. It usually sorts itself out in the week or so it takes the mice who have decided to move into the house to die.

This week I got more than I bargained for in the form of a 6 foot black rat snake who thought my kitchen would make a nice winter's den. I was innocently making a cup of coffee, when I heard a scratching sound, and there he was making his getaway out an old mouse hole. I guess I should be grateful. The mouse hole was in an overhang of the cabinets. I'd have never stumbled across it if I hadn't seen him use it, since it wasn't visible from eye level. So he pointed out a mouse hole for me to plug. I guess he's going to be living under my house this winter. The logical part of me is glad he's there. A black rat snake in a crawlspace is a good thing, but nearly tripping over him while going for a cup of coffee is a bit unnerving. Of course, there's also the thought of, "where will I trip over him next?"