Animals

I came across an article the other day talking about proud independent Appalachian people and why they disliked the government, felt little respect for the law, and how this was a sign of their independent spirit.

Allow me to clarify. When you grow pot in your backyard, when you use your old cattle barn to make moonshine for your family and friends, when you marry your cousin, when you handle snakes in church, when you teach your kids the earth is 6000 years old, that's none of my business. Feel free to be independent all you want.

When you set up a meth lab next door, when you chop the pipes on your four wheeler and race up and down the street all night, when you have speakers that shake the walls of my house every time you drive by, when your idea of target practice is to throw a milk jug out in the yard and stand on the porch and blast away at it, even though there are houses within 100 feet, then you're not exercising independence, you're an animal who needs to be locked in a cage. End discussion.

Above Your Raisin'

Appalachia is a strange place. There are a lot of people here who fly UK flags and wear Wildcat shirts, but won't let their daughters attend school there. Can't have them gettin bove thar raisin. If I were in UK administration, I'd really be embarrassed about a large proportion of Wildcat fans.

Moving Traffic Signs

Did you know that it's legal to rearrange traffic signs in Kentucky? Well apparently it is if you're Stony Point Baptist Church in Albany, Kentucky.

You can just make out the T intersection about 15 yards down the road. The sign used to be at the intersection, but when the church paved their parking lot, they moved the sign to the edge of their new parking lot. I guess it's a lot more convenient for the for the parishioners. They get to leave church unimpeded, something all good Baptists seem to be in a hurry to do, and they don't have to worry about oncoming traffic. It kind of messes things up for everyone else though. You'd think someone would fine them, or at least make them move the sign, but Appalachia is a theocracy in many respects. No one would think of questioning a church here. Hell awaits those who do.
Even this would be livable if anyone here knew how to drive. I always thought it was common knowledge that at a T intersection with no signs, the person entering had to yield. Everyone here that I've asked has told me that the person who gets there first has right of way. So if the person driving down this road sees oncoming traffic, they floor it, so that they can be in the right. I'm surprised that no one has been killed. I'm annoyed with the church for thinking they can do whatever they want. I'm appalled at the authorities for not doing anything because it's all about politics.

Double Dealing

A while back, a couple of friends of mine decided to open a mom and pop store. They found one and agreed on a rental price. It was a really cheap price, because the store was a mess. Wanting to attract customers, they fixed it up, whereupon, the owners decided that since the store was in better shape now, they should raise the rent. They should have gotten a firmer contract. That's the thing about this place. You need to watch every word you say, everything you do, and always assume that the other person is out to scam you. It's exhausting. It's like trying to live around a bunch of Rumpelstiltskin wannabes. As Mr. Worf would say, these people have no honor.

It reminds me of this county. Walmart tried to move here and found utilities unavailable because the ruling families didn't want the competition. McDonald's found the cost of land suddenly raised when they tried to buy. Of course, when the ruling families decided to get into fast food, all these barriers vanished. And people wonder why no one wants to relocate businesses to Appalachia. The state thinks it has to do with taxes or increasing the number of college graduates. It's nothing of the sort. If you want a healthy business environment, look to the corruption and the attitudes of the people.

Imagine

Imagine a narrow, winding, mountain road. Imagine road construction that closes one lane. Imagine that the road construction is extensive enough so that it requires flagmen with radios at each end. Imagine what happens when both ends of the construction zone let cars through at the same time.

On my way back through in the afternoon, the cause became apparent. Apparently, one of the flagmen decided that holding the stop sign and tuning it was just to much work. He got around this by sticking it in a traffic cone with the stop side towards traffic. That way he could just lean against his truck and not be bothered with it. If he wanted people to go, he just had to wave them through. If he wanted them to stop, he could just ignore them and let the stop sign do the talking. You have to admit, it is a lot easier than standing with the sign and constantly having to turn it around.

Fast Food Bags

My neighbors appear to be active again. They also appear to be going out to eat at the local fast food restaurants, since all the empty wrappers are ending up in my yard. The annoying part is that I'll never catch them at it. The family stretches for a half mile in each direction, and none of them work. Hell, their kids don't even go to school. What that means is that they have a great advantage when it comes to annoying behavior. They have nothing better to do. It gets exhausting at times. Maybe they'll get annoyed enough with me to burn my house down while I'm at work. It would save me the trouble of putting it on the market and trying to sell it with the current neighbors.

Bomb Scare

The schools in the county were closed last Friday due to a bomb threat. Apparently someone had called in a bomb threat to the high school, so they closed all the schools in the county. You can't fault them for playing safe and closing them all. I'm glad they did.

On a good note, it seems that that caught the person making the threat. Since they were, obviously, a juvenile, all further information will now fall into a judicial justice black hole in order to protect poor Johnnie's reputation. I hope the judicial system will deal harshly with this kid. If not, they've in effect told the school kids that they can cancel school anytime they want. I wonder what test Johnny had coming up that made him commit this heinous act?

Of course, since this kid got caught, next time they'll probably call from a cell phone that they stole from one of the nerd crowd or something similar. Hopefully, they won't think of that.

Getting Away with Murder

This happened awhile ago, but recent events brought it to mind. It is a staple of local history though.

It appears that murder isn't murder if you have blood sugar problems. A few years ago, a woman got mad at her husband and drove over him repeatedly with her car. Fortunately for her, she had enough money to hire the state senator, David Williams, as her defense attorney. He managed to convince the jury that she wasn't responsible for her actions, because her blood sugar was low. Think about it. She deliberately ran him over. that was never in question. And all she had to do to walk free was to say her blood sugar was low.

I don't think this shows badly on David Williams. After all, he was doing his job, and obviously doing it very well. But where to you find a jury stupid enough to buy that drivel.

The Intense Selfishness of the Lower Classes

Kipling coined this phrase. Living in Appalachia proves his wisdom on a daily basis. Forget the noble, yet hard working lower class person drivel you've been taught. It just ain't so. The lower classes need constant control. That's a bit of 18th Century wisdom that has been forgotten. Another bit of 18th century wisdom is that poor and lower class are not synonyms like many would have us believe. Poor is an economic condition, lower class is a mindset.

While travelling through the local population center, I came across the following sight:

Yes, Beavis was having car troubles and decided that the middle of a 6 lane was an appropriate place to work on it. I know what you're saying, it might have been an immediate car failure that he had no control over. It's possible, but not at all likely. Most things that don't involve tire failure at least give you enough time to get off the road. Most people would also think about getting off the road, but Beavis seemed to be happily checking under his hood and trying to figure out what was going on. Since it happened in a population center, the police will be there soon to get his vehicle off the road. This picture just seemed to epitomize Appalachian driving.

You'll find out whether you're susceptible to road rage the first time someone comes to a complete stop in front of you so that they can talk to someone going the other way. Honestly, they'll just stop and have a chat in the middle of the road, blocking all traffic. It doesn't matter who's behind them. Yes, the intense selfishness of the lower classes.